Food has never been more readily available or consistently healthy than the era in which we now live. Even in the mythical Judeo-Christian utopia called “The Garden of Eden”, a land of such bounty that early humans had to do nothing more than reach over their heads and pick low hanging fruit to satiate their hunger. Man lacked the 24/7/365 access to Chimichurri-drenched T-Bone steaks, and pizza slices the size of a grown man’s torso (, that modern humans enjoy in the Western World.

In time’s past, Man’s food supply alternated between surplus and deficit, surfeit and dearth. Golden Corral ( ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT-BUFFET feasts, and “We Are the World” ( Famines from season to season is the cycle to which the human body is more accustomed.

These periods of insufficiency or famine are a metabolic necessity for some, such as the Native American tribes of the American Southwest. For whom modern food convenience is more of a death sentence than blessing. Type II Diabetes plagues them like anaptomorphine does Ukrainian junkies. The reason behind it is that their bodies are genetically programmed to store body fat in times of plenty. All humans, in fact, are designed to do so. Which is noteworthy because we’re the only primates who bear this trait to ensure survival during Ice Ages, famine, or lengthy travel into unknown lands.

Neither chimps nor gorillas could have survived the Irish Potato Famine or a Soviet Five-Year Plan, and the latter will never attempt Global Domination because they will never stray that far from their food source – – To do so would mean almost certain death.

 Certain pundits have pontificated upon the wasted potential of lifting luminaries like Hermann Goerner and Manohar Aich since they spent years in WWI and WWII POW camps & British Colonial Detention Centers, respectively, arguing that had they not done so, they’d have gone on to far greater physical heights. Given the fact that NO ONE has yet bested some of Goener’s lifts, and Manohar Aich’s squat was so fucking massive at such a low body weight that even my superlative vocabulary lacks the hyperbolic verbiage to describe it; I would tend to disagree, especially when I consider recent years that have found me alternating between crazy personal records & insufficient calories, due to either drunkenness or incarceration. In fact, the evidence seems to point to the conclusion that periods of relative famine are highly beneficial to lifters.

 Anyone who’s ever been to an NA meeting just needs to look around the room to see that perpetually starving junkies get fucking HUGE when they ditch the drugs for steroids, weights and metal. Shit you don’t need to look any farther than guys like former junkie Trent Reznor & former crackhead Tom Hardy.

It’s understandable, at least until you consider the possibility that periods of severe undereating condition your body to utilize the maximum amount of nutrition from the food you consume. Clearly, Hermann Goerner easily regained his mass and strength, even in an utterly decimated post-war Germany… not once, but FUCKING TWICE, and anyone who has ever seen a dope fiend ditch their works for weights, steak, and steroids know they blow up faster than an inflatable donkey fuck-toy at a 4-H competition after-party. Likewise, bodybuilders in the 1980’s who would diet for months on 800-1000 calories a day during contest prep, would balloon up cartoonish in the off season, because their bodies had been conditioned over time to wring every bit of sustenance possible out the of the astonishing tiny amount of food they were consuming. 

I, too, have some experience with this phenomenon ranging from cutting 20lbs for meets in a couple of days to dropping 25lbs in a long weekend of drinking & then gaining 35 in the subsequent month, to my current situation; slowly starving to death in a for profit jail that feeds its inmates what amounts to starvation rations.

This shit-pile county (which was recently the subject of an expose in the Philadelphia Inquirer for the abuse of people on probation for minor crimes, this article about the RIDICULOUSLY high incarceration rates in non-urban counties, this article dating back to 2014 about the for profit probation system,
and the Columbia University judicial study mentioned above referencing Pennsylvania’s abnormally high incarceration rates, oh and this Human Rights Watch 76 page report on the abuse of the for profit probation industry has a protracted “Quarantine” period, in which we are allowed roughly 1500 calories and no recreation of any kind for 14-30 days. Most inmates claim some malady that nets them enough Klonopin to sleep through that period & marvel at my staunch refusal to allow my diet to dictate my activity level, but I obviously choose to exercise compulsively & write extensively for the following reasons:

The mind controls the body.

You are not a slave.

  2. If people like Manohar Aich, Hermann Goerner, and that Olympic marathoner from Unbroken, Louis Zamperini, can do it SO CAN WE FUCKING ALL (But fuck that “I forgive you for torturing me for years” bullshit the Unbroken dude was busy with).
  3. I know that the second I have access to a surplus of food I can overeat like a fat kid on Easter morning & I’ll blow up like George in Rampage inside of a week without adding much, if any, fat at all.

 Is it fun? FUCK NO. Well, maybe a little. The BDSM-Style masochist in me secretly loves the misery of dieting & training in a ridiculously hypocaloric state. I suppose it’s not much of a secret given the fact I just admitted it, but it gives me the same kind of wolf-eyed hard-on that having a Domme put me in a ball press and violently fuck my urethra with a thick ribbed sound would. Knowing you can suffer through a period of asceticism that is generally the purview of religious zealots and genuine psychopaths makes you feel hard, cruel, & unstoppable as a zombified fascist super soldier tasked with single handedly reducing the effete modern world to rubble.

In short, this diet is going to mimic periods of feast and famine to transform your organs and musculature into what amounts to a pack of angry, armed Muslim zealots in a community that doesn’t adhere to the same religion – That little bit of food will have to convert or die. During that time, you’ll train differently, focusing on more volume and less weight, just like Celtic or Germanic warriors on campaign in the summer. Rather than manning an oar or going on extended marches, & then fighting pitched battles, the sub-maximal and repetitive movements you will be doing will give you a physical and mental break from brutally heavy weights & increase your work capacity while improving your shape, correcting the types of muscular imbalances common in modern “I don’t DO machines, bro”, and depleting every last drop of muscle glycogen & draining your fat stores as much as possible. Yeah, stepping on the scale is a motherfucker, but seeing all your abs without flexing for the first time in a while makes it worth it… Especially knowing you are about to blow the fuck up.




Up next, the details of the Feast or Famine diet. Don’t act like you’re not at least a little curious as to what this is going to look like.

For more informative blogs by Chaos and Pain click here.

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