Although you wouldn’t think it were true, looking at modern American society, civil disobedience is the founding principle of the United States. From the Boston Tea Party to the Revolution itself, Americans have always stood up as the violent protesters who made good on their desire to make their own way in the world. Disobedience is the highest form of freedom, and a riot is occasionally the result of that.
Are we suggesting you go out and burn down your neighborhood? Of course not, but you can channel that inner turmoil and desire to assert yourself in the world John Carpenter suggested we lived in in the movie They Live in your battle against gravity and the weights.
“THESE ARE THE TIMES THAT TRY MEN’S SOULS. THE SUMMER SOLDIER AND THE SUNSHINE PATRIOT WILL, IN THIS CRISIS, SHRINK FROM THE SERVICE OF THEIR COUNTRY; BUT HE THAT STANDS BY IT NOW, DESERVES THE LOVE AND THANKS OF MAN AND WOMAN. TYRANNY, LIKE HELL, IS NOT EASILY CONQUERED; YET WE HAVE THIS CONSOLATION WITH US, THAT THE HARDER THE CONFLICT, THE MORE GLORIOUS THE TRIUMPH. WHAT WE OBTAIN TOO CHEAP, WE ESTEEM TOO LIGHTLY: IT IS DEARNESS ONLY THAT GIVES EVERYTHING ITS VALUE. HEAVEN KNOWS HOW TO PUT A PROPER PRICE UPON ITS GOODS; AND IT WOULD BE STRANGE INDEED IF SO CELESTIAL AN ARTICLE AS FREEDOM SHOULD NOT BE HIGHLY RATED.”
Now, Thomas Paine might have been referring to political freedom in a time when it was possible to effect change in the government, but those are not the time in which we live. Thus, we must turn our desires to something more primordial, and frankly doing battle with gravity is far more plausible than doing battle against whatever political belief system you rail against, because no matter what side of the isle they’re on, they’re not on the side of the people.
And that’s where Cannibal Riot comes in- concentrated hellfire and brimstone designed to fire you directly into the face of whatever you happen to be opposing when you hit the gym- the steel and gravity serving as a proxy for whatever nonsense has you pissed off on any given day.
So, what brings all of this seething rage and ferocity boiling to the surface, to turn you into a solo riot in the middle of the gym? A precise combination of the most potent stimulants and pump products designed to load you into a proverbial cannon and fire you right into the face of those you oppose.
Beta Alanine– 3.2g of beta-alanine will boost your muscular endurance through the roof and make recovery so quick and painless you will wonder if you hit the gym hard enough. Though the mechanisms behind how are still unknown, beta-alanine has shown to increase lean mass and increase strength when taken chronically, and as an added little slice of awesome, it’s been implicated in fat loss as well.
L-Citrulline– With 2g of citrulline in each scoop, you’ll see a serious increase in your rep maxes… so if you’re thinking of challenging your partner to a death set, make sure you slam some Cannibal Riot first. Citrulline has been shown to decrease muscle fatigue mid-set and decrease muscle soreness post-workout. At the same time, it increases blood flow and NO2, so you get a sick pump and vascularity while repping out with other peoples’ maxes.
N-Acetyl-L-Tyrosine– Fight off brain fog and all distractions with the laser-like focus that 500mg of N-Acetyl-L-Tyrosine will give you- it has been shown to improve cognition under stress, which is perfect for when you’re under that ultra-heavy bar hitting a new max squat. It also elevates mood as it improves your memory and reduces your stress levels, so whether you’re rocking a PT test or a calculus final, this stuff is the bee’s knees for brain health.
Caffeine Anhydrous– With 350mg of caffeine per scoop, you’re probably not going to be wanting for energy. I don’t think I need to explain that further- caffeine rules.
VASO-6™– 300mg of our proprietary vascularity-inducing compound VASO-6™, you’ll be a phlebotomist’s dream and the envy of everyone in the gym. VASO-6 is a unique, patented product designed from gallate-enhanced oligomers derived from grape seed and green tea extracts. These enhance blood flow like crazy, which is where you get the sick vascularity that VASO-6 provides. Does it help you move weight? Likely not, but it looks brutal, and sometimes function follows form, rather than the other way around.
Glucoronolactone– This bad little nootropic has been shown to improve attention and verbal reasoning, so with 200mg of this stuff in each scoop you’ll be hyper-focused through your set and potentially able to out-argue anyone in the gym at the water fountain.
Isopropylnorsynephrine– The coup-de-etat of the entire formula is 20mg of isopropylnorsynephrine, or as you should think of it, synephrine gone Super Saiyan. The perfect complement to caffeine, this super stimulant will raise your pulse and raise your metabolism. What could be better than tearing into the weights with your fat burning furnace set to “Broil”?
And we realize at this point that there is a lot of skepticism regarding pre workouts on the internet- in the post-Jack3d world, people are either convinced that anything not bearing DMAA is little better than drinking chocolate milk, or that everyone in the supplement industry is out to kill them, all the time. Well, neither of those things are true. With the exception of giving, you a whopping dose of “stim dick,” DMAA wasn’t magical. I realize some of you are likely screaming “Bullshit!” at your screen right now, but this is coming from a man who grew up in the era of ephedra- whatever you think DMAA was, it was nothing compared to that stuff.
That said, in the right combination and dosage, you can get the same effect of USP’s generation of pre workouts without any of the death bodies or dead dicks of the past, and that’s where Cannibal Riot stands- what kind of a disturbance could you cause as a corpse, anyway? Aside from leaking fluids all over the place and stinking up the joint, you’re not doing anyone any good dead, nor is your dick doing the world a bit of good if it can’t rise to the occasion if need be.
So, save your skepticism for the government and join us in starting a Riot, because as Thomas Paine said,
“TYRANNY, LIKE HELL, IS NOT EASILY CONQUERED; YET WE HAVE THIS CONSOLATION WITH US, THAT THE HARDER THE CONFLICT, THE MORE GLORIOUS THE TRIUMPH.”
And there is no greater tyranny than that of gravity- it might bend all our backs beneath its weight. So, chug some Cannibal Riot and let’s throw off some of its shackles, because no matter what side of the political spectrum you’re on, gravity is the only tyranny we have any hope of beating.
Leave a comment
All comments are moderated before being published.