You often hear about swagger, but outside of rare instances like Jeff Goldblum’s character in Jurassic Park and the inimitable physics beast and potentially coolest motherfucker on Earth, Neil deGrasse Tyson, few people possess intellectual swagger. Whereas swagger typically refers to just a level of overall confidence, intellectual swagger is the true swag, because it’s the attitude of a human being who knows they can intellectually beat down anyone who wants to step up to try their luck. The reason for this is simple- most people lack the necessary blend of intellectual capacity and cool demeanor that intellectual swagger requires.
We’re not going to bullshit you around on this, so I’ve included the science behind my formulation so you could flex that intellectual muscle if you asked about the reasoning behind the inclusion of each ingredient. And before you ask, we changed the formula because the FDA prohibits our inclusion of the ingredient on which the original formula was based, so I went a different way with it to supercharge the ingredients the FDA still allows us to use, it its eternal beneficence. It’s also designed so that it would stack nicely with racetams should you choose to have some in your possession (though from a legal standpoint Chaos and Pain does not recommend nor endorse that sort of thing), or if you perhaps had a bottle of the old formula you wanted to stretch a bit.
Each serving of the new Cannibal Genius contains:
L-Tyrosine. Though it’s one of the old guards of nootropic supplements, it’s hung around as long as it has because it works. Two full grams of L-Tyrosine will ensure that you will have maximal cognitive function under less-than-optimal situations, most notably those which are stress- and anxiety-filled.
Alpha GPC. This choline has proved remarkably adept at increasing power output and in improving cognition. Cannibal Genius contains 600mg of the stuff, the exact amount used in one study to increase growth hormone production (Ziegenfuss), which means this magical stuff can do everything from reduce the effects of Alzheimer’s (in double the dose used here) to improving general cognition to improving power output on the bench press. Additionally, it is essential if you plan to stack Cannibal Genius with non-supplemental cholinergic chemicals to enhance cognition.
Lions Mane Extract. Also known as yamabushitake, this is a mushroom native to Japan that has been shown to reduce anxiety, depression, and cognitive decline. Cannibal Genius contains 600mg of this mushroom extract to create the calm focus you need for any kind of intellectual pursuit.
Beta-Phenylethylamine. PEA (beta-phenylethylamine) is a lightning-fast-acting, naturally occurring trace amine neurotransmitter that improves creativity, gets you horny, boosts mood, mental activity, attention, motivation, alertness, awareness, energy, and sensory perceptions, and seems to fill the neurological gap for which amphetamines are generally prescribed for patients with ADHD. Cannibal Genius contains half a gram of this stuff, so you’ll be shot out of a cannon and grinning like an utter lunatic as soon as you saunter into whatever intellectual activities you have planned for the day.
“IS A TRACE AMINE WHOSE MOLECULAR MECHANISM OF ACTION DIFFERS FROM BIOGENIC AMINES, SUCH AS SEROTONIN OR DOPAMINE. ESPECIALLY LOW OR HIGH CONCENTRATIONS OF PEA MAY BE ASSOCIATED WITH SPECIFIC PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDERS. FOR THOSE DISORDERS THAT ARE CHARACTERIZED BY LOW PEA LEVELS (E.G. ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER) PEA HAS BEEN SUGGESTED AS A ‘SAFE’ ALTERNATIVE TO DRUGS, SUCH AS AMPHETAMINE OR METHYLPHENIDATE, WHICH ARE ACCOMPANIED BY MANY UNDESIRABLE SIDE EFFECTS.”
“PEA HAS STIMULANT EFFECTS WHICH LEAD TO THE RELEASE OF SO-CALLED BIOGENIC AMINES, INCLUDING DOPAMINE AND SEROTONIN (BAILEY ET AL., 1987; ROTHMAN & BAUMANN, 2006). UNLIKE AMPHETAMINE, PEA HAS DIFFICULTIES MAINTAINING HIGH CONCENTRATIONS IN THE HUMAN BODY, DUE TO ITS OXIDATIVE DEAMINATION TO PHENYLACETIC ACID BY THE ENZYME B MONOAMINE OXIDASE (MAO) (YANG & NEFF, 1973). PHENYLACETIC ACID, HAS AN EFFECT THAT IS SIMILAR TO THE ACTIVITY OF THE NATURAL ENDORPHINS, AN EFFECT THAT IS KNOWN AS A “RUNNER’S HIGH'” (IRSFELD).
Rhodiola Rosea. Rhodiola is nearly magical- it stabilizes mood, lowers anxiety, promotes mental function, improves sleep, and alters perception of difficult shit, so that it seems easier than it actually is to do. Cannibal Genius is rocking a stout 450mg of this wondrous shit, which was used in one study on five different cognitive tests to prove the efficacy of rhodiola rosea extract (RRE).
“THE TESTS CHOSEN REFLECT AN OVERALL LEVEL OF MENTAL FATIGUE, INVOLVING COMPLEX PERCEPTIVE AND COGNITIVE CEREBRAL FUNCTIONS, SUCH AS ASSOCIATIVE THINKING, SHORT-TERM MEMORY, CALCULATION AND ABILITY OF CONCENTRATION, AND SPEED OF AUDIO-VISUAL PERCEPTION. THESE PARAMETERS WERE TESTED BEFORE AND AFTER NIGHT DUTY DURING THREE PERIODS OF TWO WEEKS EACH: A) A TEST PERIOD OF ONE RRE/PLACEBO TABLET DAILY, B) A WASHOUT PERIOD AND C) A THIRD PERIOD OF ONE PLACEBO/RRE TABLET DAILY, IN A DOUBLE-BLIND CROSS-OVER TRIAL. THE PERCEPTIVE AND COGNITIVE CEREBRAL FUNCTIONS MENTIONED ABOVE WERE INVESTIGATED USING 5 DIFFERENT TESTS. A STATISTICALLY SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT IN THESE TESTS WAS OBSERVED IN THE TREATMENT GROUP (RRE) DURING THE FIRST TWO WEEKS PERIOD. NO SIDE-EFFECTS WERE REPORTED FOR EITHER TREATMENT NOTED. THESE RESULTS SUGGEST THAT RRE CAN REDUCE GENERAL FATIGUE UNDER CERTAIN STRESSFUL CONDITIONS” (DARBINYAN).
Bacopa Monnieri. Research of both elderly and regular adults has shown that this plant helps to remove social anxiety, such as fear of being judged or inhibited. It’s also linked to reducing or eliminating issues related to depression. One study found that bacopa “may improve higher order cognitive processes that are critically dependent on the input of information from our environment such as learning and memory” (Stough). That study used a 300mg daily dose, which is what we used here to ensure you get all the Ayurvedic nootropic goodness this herb promises.
Caffeine Anhydrous. Since we’ve all abandoned Red Bull and Monster for Bang and Reign, we’re used to much higher levels of caffeine. The 300mg we’ve included is enough to wake up even the most stim-dependent of us (though it might not get you all that hyped, but hyped isn’t the point- smart is).
“CAFFEINE DOES NOT USUALLY AFFECT PERFORMANCE IN LEARNING AND MEMORY TASKS, ALTHOUGH CAFFEINE MAY OCCASIONALLY HAVE FACILITATORY OR INHIBITORY EFFECTS ON MEMORY AND LEARNING. CAFFEINE FACILITATES LEARNING IN TASKS IN WHICH INFORMATION IS PRESENTED PASSIVELY; IN TASKS IN WHICH MATERIAL IS LEARNED INTENTIONALLY, CAFFEINE HAS NO EFFECT. CAFFEINE FACILITATES PERFORMANCE IN TASKS INVOLVING WORKING MEMORY TO A LIMITED EXTENT BUT HINDERS PERFORMANCE IN TASKS THAT HEAVILY DEPEND ON WORKING MEMORY, AND CAFFEINE APPEARS TO RATHER IMPROVE MEMORY PERFORMANCE UNDER SUBOPTIMAL ALERTNESS CONDITIONS. MOST STUDIES, HOWEVER, FOUND IMPROVEMENTS IN REACTION TIME” (NEHLIG).
L-Theanine. L-Theanine jacks up your neurotransmitters like GABA, serotonin, and dopamine, as well as promoting a state of wakeful relaxation by enhancing alpha brain waves. It works especially well when taken with caffeine, so we combined the two to give you the ultimate in wakeful relaxation (Williams).
In short, Cannibal Genius will turn you into a goddamned intellectual tyrannosaurus with superhuman cognitive ability and so little concomitant anxiety you’d think you were higher than a Jewish holiday. Get some, read everything on which you can lay hands, and lay intellectual waste to everyone around you as you flex that bigass brain of yours.
IGNORANCE IS THE DISEASE, AND THE NEW CANNIBAL GENIUS IS THE CURE.
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Darbinyan V, Kteyan A, Panossian A, Gabrielian E, Wikman G, Wagner H. Rhodiola rosea in stress induced fatigue–a double blind cross-over study of a standardized extract SHR-5 with a repeated low-dose regimen on the mental performance of healthy physicians during night duty. Phytomedicine. 2000 Oct;7(5):365-71.
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