Why do people run from their biology? We are just animals that have a pair of thumbs, and the brain power to be self-aware. Nothing more. However, once the topic of biological processes come up, people freak out. Stop letting society dictate what is acceptable.You say you are a badass, but then why are you acting like a punk? Instead of running away, face up to the truth. If you aren’t masturbating, you are going to live a miserable life, and probably die alone.
1. YOU WILL LIVE LONGER
This is especially true for men. Prostate cancer is the #1 diagnosed cancer in men. Prostate cancer is scary. Unfortunately, the anti-men establishments and mainstream medicine act like it’s not a big deal. With early detection methods, they can find your prostate cancer, and cure you. However, they fail to tell you that the cure is removing your prostate, which to them isn’t a big deal.
Do you want to wear Depends? Do you like peeing on yourself? Do you ever want to have an erection or sex again?
Well, if your prostate is removed, good luck. The nerves that are responsible for erections and controlling your bladder run on the outside of the prostate. Once it’s gone, so are they. Luckily for you, masturbating three times a week reduces your risk of developing prostate cancer by 33%! Add in some Zinc and Swedish Flower Pollen, and you and your loads are good to go.
2. IMPROVES MOOD AND SLEEP
Stress is the #1 silent killer. It can strike at any moment, without warning, and have crippling effects. It slows down recovery, weakens the immune system, and makes you an intolerable asshole that people go out of their way to avoid. Masturbation acts as a de-stressor and antidepressant through the release of hormones and endorphins. These same chemicals, such as oxytocin, prolactin, and vasopressin, help you relax, and put you in a sedative mood where you can fall asleep with ease. The next time you are in a bad mood, or just can’t seem to fall asleep, try masturbating.
3. HELPS CURE COLDS/ BOOSTS THE IMMUNE SYSTEM
Turns out that masturbating while you are sick is a good thing. A study published in the journal Neuroimmunomodulation found that Leukocytes, killer cells, were increased after orgasm. Bottom line, if you feel a cold coming on, it’s time for a little self-loving.
Our bodies are governed by the “use it, or lose it” philosophy. If your sexual organs are being denied, then your body will divert your sexual energy to other aspects of your life. What happens next? Penis Shrinkage and Erectile Dysfunction. In a 2008 study, published in The American Journal of Medicine, men that masturbated (and had an orgasm) more than three times a week were almost 5x Less Likely to develop Erectile Dysfunction. Likewise, if you want to perform longer, try masturbating an hour before your “date.” The release of chemicals should allow you to relax, and perform better. The top causes of premature ejaculation are anxiety and nervousness. Masturbating is great for reducing both.
5. IMPROVES HEART HEALTH AND MAKES YOU LOOK YOUNGER
Heart disease is the #1 cause of death in the US. A study published in The American Journal of Cardiology discovered that men who masturbated three times a week were 45% less likely to have a stroke or contract a cardiovascular disease. In addition, Dr. David Weeks found that men and women who engaged in sex or masturbated three times a week appeared younger than those who didn’t. They are now thinking that the increase in blood circulation, stress reduction, and sleep aid effects of having an orgasm are responsible for his findings.
Masturbating and sex have been surrounded by an unfair stigmatism in the United States. Religious beliefs, parental conditioning, and propaganda have made a very natural process taboo. Fuck those assholes. If you want to live your life to the fullest, be the biggest, and not be a hatter, masturbate or have sex at least three times a week.