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Chaos and Pain

  /  tips   /  It’s Time To Harden Up, People

It’s Time To Harden Up, People

This family, no joke, has devolved to the point they’re all mentally retarded and walk on all fours.

There is little case to be made, in my mind, against the idea that humanity has de-evolved since the advent of agriculture, and further with the adoption of Christianity by the vast majority of the world. In the last hundred years, advancements have been made in human health, and the stature and longevity of the human race as a whole has improved rather markedly. This is hardly something to jump up and down screaming about, however, as humanity’s health had been in a steady decline since the abandonment of hunting and gathering, and then had its genetic pool continually diluted and systematically destroyed by the Christian ethic of mercy, which has allowed the genetically unfit to propagate their genetic lines for millennia (Infanticide).  Make no mistake, in classifying certain peoples as “genetically unfit”, I am in no way referring to their race, creed, or gender, but rather to the “mercy” inherent in allowing those children who in bygone years would have been left to wild dogs to wander about in society, increasing the prevalence of mental and physical retardation and every sort of mental illness one might encounter (Infanticide 2).  As if that weren’t enough damage to our heritage, the problem of consistent physical and mental degeneration was exacerbated by the adoption of a diet wholly unsuited to humanity, that of agrarian fare, in lieu of the meat and veggie-intensive diet of our paleolithic ancestors.

This graphic is a little weird given the predominant belief that Cro-Magnons had caucasoid features, but the rest is accurate.

According to archaeologists, skeletal remains show that paleolithic humans developed muscularity and strength “even higher than today’s elite athletes”- in the paleolithic era, humanity resembled professional athletes, fit and sleek and muscular as one could imagine, and capable of such impressive feats as killing megafauna with nothing more than a sharp stick (Starr). They were hardly the stooped, sickly, grubby sonsabitches that archaeologists of yore would like to have you think they were. Instead, they were heavily muscled, heavily tattooed, meat eating badasses who were bigger, on average than modern man. Yep. Bigger (Ungar).  Additionally, archaeologists believe that the fact that the average paleolithic person only lived to be 35 was due to “the combination of stresses of nomadism, climate, and warfare. The latter is especially clear in the Jebel Sahaba population, where projectile wounds affecting bone are very common and ‘almost half the population probably died violently.” Over the subsequent few thousand years, the average lifespan only increased about 5 years, until the advent of modern medicine, when it then doubled (Ibid).

Could you kill this thing with a stick?

Not all of the softness and crappyness of the modern human can be attributed to diet and religion, however, as it is fairly obvious at this point that the mere sloth of the modern human is not to be underestimated. We’ve all heard our grandpas tell us how much tougher people were back in the day- I remember having my college roommate’s insane, one eyed grandpa relate to me the following tale:

“I lived on a FARM. You DO know what a farm is, eh boy?! Well, it was the Depression, and we had a bunch of lazy f***ing layabouts hanging around the place- sleeping in the fields and PUSHING DOWN THE CORN. PUSHING DOWN THE CORN! WHY WOULD A PERSON SLEEP ON TOP OF CORN STALKS?” [At this point, I was edging away from the man, as he was practically foaming at the mouth, and he was screaming at me from a distance of about 4 inches, nose to nose with me] So this one guy, a real hardass, tells me to go f**k my mother when I told him to get off the property. I got out of the truck and whooped his ass for him. I was 19 or 20, and I wasn’t about to let some bum talk like that about my mother. So, I beat his ass, and he was laying there, whining and weeping in the dirt, so as I picked him up to throw him in the bed of my truck, he rolled over and STABBED ME IN THE F***ING EYE WITH A CORKSCREW. [He emphasized this point my pointing at the pirate patch over his left eye. Dumbstruck, I asked what he did next.] WHAT DO YOU THINK I DONE, BOY? I STABBED THAT BASTARD IN THE THROAT WITH THE CORKSCREW. Then I drove myself to the hospital, where they gave me a patch, an aspirin, and some sulfa. that’s how we did it in the OLD DAYS. You boys are soft!”

To summarize, the man pulled out his own eye and stabbed a man to death, whom I later found out they buried in the fields, with the corkscrew that had just been embedded in his face. I don’t give a good goddamn who you are, THAT is the essence of brutality.

This was not an isolated incident.  We are indeed softer than preceding generations.  Here are some other impressive past feats:

  • In 1834, a Norwegian sailor named Menson Ernst ran from Paris to Moscow, a distance of about 1550 miles, in 14 days, 18 hours. We’re talking unpaved, muddy country roads in the middle of one of the crappiest areas in history, and the guy SWAM 13 RIVERS on the way. Two years later, he worked as a courier to the East India Company and traveled 5625 miles from Calcutta to Constantinople in 59 days- crossing almost nothing but desert and mountains, and passing through India, Tibet, Afghanistan, Persia, Mesopotamia, Syria, and Turkey. (6)
  • Milo Steinborn STEINBORN SQUATTED 553 pounds (Willoughby 459)
  • Greek fishermen regularly carried on their backs loads ranging from 400 to 800 lbs circa 1927 (Willoughby 181)
  • The usual load carried by porters in Izmi, Turkey was 560 lbs in the early part of this century, and frequently carried 840 lbs (Willoughby 181).
  • Turkish porters in Constantinople used to carry regular load of 600 lbs, sometimes at a trot, and some of the strongest porters carried 800 lbs (Willoughby 181).

To make matters worse, modern man has proved himself to have been weighed, measured, and found wanting in comparison with his ancestors. Multiple times, modern Americans have attempted to mimic the daily efforts of the people of the past, and have not only been incapable of doing so, but have even deemed their efforts impossible. How were the pyramids built? CERTAINLY NOT BY HAND! Easter Island?  Must have been aliens.  Archaeologists didn’t think that Viking longships were seaworthy for a long time, because they couldn’t replicate commonplace Viking voyages with the same tech.  They didn’t think that Vikings, who have left crap scattered all over northern Newfoundland, could navigate the ocean… in spite of the fact that they were well-documented seafarers who attacked settlements in Spain and Rome.  

In the last few years, a number of efforts have been made to replicate the actions of the Vikings, and have been disasters. It was either too cold, too difficult to navigate, or simply too strenuous, even when using Olympic rowers.  Bear in mind that Vikings would regularly row to where they wanted to go, then immediately disembark and begin killing everyone they saw with massive broadswords, war hammers, and axes, and then take a break every now and again to drink a flagon of mead and engage in a bit of rapine. Modern athletes can’t even row the goddamned things, much less row somewhere and then storm a beachhead thereafter and lay waste to a city.

Neither of these poofs belongs on a Viking longship.

So, what does this tell us? We’re a civilization softer than any in mankind’s history, and we’ve not even regained the stature of our prehistoric ancestors. The word “pathetic” hardly even describes our collective physical state in comparison to our predecessors, and there’s no excuse for it.

“We don’t have a great war in our generation, or a great depression, but we do, we have a great war of the spirit. We have a great revolution against the culture. The great depression is our lives. ” -Chuck Palahniuk

Our revolution, our purpose, should be to undo the millenia of bullcrap and nonsense that has gone on in the human race. We should resolve to be stronger, faster, and leaner than any group of people in history. We shall return to the age wherein men looked like men, acted like men, and did manly stuff. Gone is the time wherein you should feel comfortable bitching about physical stuff- just do it. Your lower back hurts because you’ve done a few sets of deadlifts, and you want to stop? You’re a goddamned wuss. If a Turkish porter could do it a hundred years ago, I’ll be a goddamned Chinese jet pilot if you can’t muster up the balls to lift it now. Arthur Saxon drank lager beer mixed with gin and eggs and then proceeded to outlift EVERYONE, in an era before testosterone had been isolated, and was lean as hell while doing it. Want to eat more food but not be a fatass? THEN LIFT MORE. Want to get stronger and bigger? LIFT MORE. If people could do it in an era wherein they had no idea where their next meal was coming from, you sure as hell can do it now. 

If the guys above managed to somehow live through what any slack-jawed bitch on Reddit would swear is overtraining, and thrive, if the pyramids do indeed exist, if the Vikings managed to do what they did, and if TURKISH PORTERS ROUTINELY LIFTED MORE IN A DAY THAN YOU EVER HAVE IN A WEEK, overtraining can suck it. The “take it easy” crowd can suck it. The “10 minute abs” people can suck it. The next time you hear some Under Armor clad asshole in the gym tell you that if you train chest twice in a week you’re overtraining, grab him by the throat and pound his goddamned face until you see bone and brain. He shouldn’t be allowed to procreate.

No one ever got manlier by doing less, and training “smarter rather than harder” makes you a corner cutting wuss, not a weightlifting virtuoso.

Now go and show the world how it should be done.

Btw, bear wrestling is good GPP.

Sources:

Carter, W. Hodding. Tell Us Now the Saga of the Self-Styled Viking. Outside Magazine. 2 May 2004. Web. 19 Feb 2018. https://www.outsideonline.com/1842431/tell-us-now-saga-self-styled-viking

Eaton, SB, and Eaton SB III, 2003. “An Evolutionary Perspective on Human Physical Activity: Implications for Health.” Comp Biochem Physiol A 136, 153-159. Ungar, Peter S., Ed. Evolution of the Human Diet. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2007.

Infanticide:  “Many Neolithic groups routinely resorted to infanticide in order to control their numbers so that their lands could support them.  Decapitated skeletons of hominid children have been found with evidence of cannibalism. Joseph Birdsell believes in infanticide rates of 15-50% of the total number of births in prehistoric times.  Williamson estimated a lower rate ranging from 15-20%. Both believe that high rates of infanticide persisted until the development of agriculture. Comparative anthropologists have calculated that 50% of female newborn babies were killed by their parents in the Paleolithic”

Infanticide. Wikipedia. Web. 19 Feb 2018. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infanticide#Paleoli…

Infanticide 2: “Exposure of newborns was widely practiced in ancient Greece. In Greece the decision to expose a child was typically the father’s, although in Sparta the decision was made by a group of elders. Exposure was the preferred method of disposal, as that act in itself was not murder; moreover, the exposed child technically had a chance of being rescued by the gods or any passersby.”

“The laws of the Twelve Tables required the pater familias to ensure that “obviously deformed” infants were put to death.”

Infanticide. Wikipedia. Web. 19 Feb 2018.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infanticide#In_ancie…

Macrae, Fiona.  We’re all getting smaller and our brains are shrinking… is farming to blame?  Daily Mail.  12 Jun 2011.  Web.  19 Feb 2018.  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-200…

Nicholson, Ward.  Longevity and Health In Ancient Paleolithic vs. Neolithic Peoples.  Beyond Veg.  Apr 1999.  Web.  19 Feb 2018.  http://www.beyondveg.com/nicholson-w/angel-1984/a…

Starr, Michelle.  Bone study shows paleolithic women had insanely strong arms.  Science Alert.  30 Nov 2017.  Web.  18 Feb 2018.  https://www.sciencealert.com/prehistoric-women-stronger-than-elite-rowers-manual-labour-anthropology

Willoughby, David P. The Super Athletes. New York: AS Barnes and Company, 1970

Comments

  • Kristopher

    May 31, 2019

    This is some goddamn daily reading material right here.

    reply

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