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Chaos and Pain

  /  tips   /  The Feast or Famine Diet: Part 1

The Feast or Famine Diet: Part 1

Burns the Fat Off Man’s Soul

Food has never been more readily available or consistently
healthy than the era in which we now live. Even in the mythical Judeo-Christian
utopia called “The Garden of Eden”, a land of such bounty that early humans had
to do nothing more than reach over their heads and pick low hanging fruit to
satiate their hunger, man lacked the 24/7/365 access to Chimichurri-drenched
T-Bone steaks, and pizza slices the size of a grown man’s torso (,
that modern humans enjoy in the Western World.

In time’s past, Man’s food supply alternated
between surplus and deficit, surfeit and dearth, Golden Corral (
ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT-BUFFET feasts, and “We Are the World” ( from season to season is the cycle to
which the human body is more accustomed than Midwestern Hobos were to being
raped by Carl Panzram on long train rides.

Raping Hobos & Milk Steak

People’s Knees

These periods of insufficiency or famine are a
metabolic necessity for some, such as the Native American tribes of the
American Southwest, for whom modern food convenience is more of a death
sentence than blessing. Type II Diabetes plagues them like anaptomorphine does
Ukrainian junkies, and the reason behind it is that their bodies are genetically
programmed to store body fat in times of plenty. All humans, in fact, are
designed to do so, which is noteworthy because we’re the only primates who bear
this trait to ensure survival during Ice Ages, famine, or lengthy travel into
unknown lands.

Neither chimps nor gorillas could have
survived the Irish Potato Famine or a Soviet Five-Year Plan, and the latter
will never attempt Global Domination because they will never stray that far
from their food source – – To do so would mean almost certain death.

have gotten mangled by Unit 731 in a match-up on Deadliest Warrior

Certain pundits have pontificated upon the
wasted potential of lifting luminaries like Hermann Goerner and Manohar Aich since
they spent years in WWI and WWII POW camps & British Colonial Detention
Centers, respectively, arguing that had they not done so, they’d have gone on
to far greater physical heights. Given the fact that NO ONE has yet bested some
of Goener’s lifts, and Manohar Aich’s squat was so fucking massive at such a
low body weight that even my superlative vocabulary lacks the hyperbolic
verbiage to describe it; I would tend to disagree, especially when I consider
recent years that have found me alternating between crazy personal records
& insufficient calories, due to either drunkenness or incarceration. In fact,
the evidence seems to point to the conclusion that periods of relative famine
are highly beneficial to lifters.

Have your doubts?

who’s ever been to an NA meeting just needs to look around the room to see that
perpetually starving junkies get fucking HUGE when they ditch the drugs for
steroids, weights and metal. Shit you don’t need to look any farther than guys
like former junkie Trent Reznor & former crackhead Tom Hardy.

It’s understandable, at least until you
consider the possibility that periods of severe undereating condition your body
to utilize the maximum amount of nutrition from the food you consume. Clearly,
Hermann Goerner easily regained his mass and strength, even in an utterly decimated
post-war Germany… not once, but FUCKING
, and anyone who has ever seen a dope fiend ditch their works for
weights, steak, and steroids know they blow up faster than an inflatable donkey
fuck-toy at a 4-H competition after-party. Likewise, bodybuilders in the 1980’s
who would diet for months on 800-1000 calories a day during contest prep, would
balloon up cartoonish in the off season, because their bodies had been
conditioned over time to wring every bit of sustenance possible out the of the
astonishing tiny amount of food they were consuming.

should have gone Pro

I, too, have some experience with this phenomenon
ranging from cutting 20lbs for meets in a couple of days to dropping 25lbs in a
long weekend of drinking & then gaining 35 in the subsequent month, to my
current situation; slowly starving to death in a for profit jail that feeds its
inmates what amounts to starvation rations. This shit-pile county (which was
recently the subject of an expose in the Philadelphia Inquirer for the abuse of
people on probation for minor crimes,
this article about the RIDICULOUSLY high incarceration rates in non-urban
this article dating back to 2014 about the for profit probation system,
and the Columbia University judicial study mentioned above referencing
Pennsylvania’s abnormally high incarceration rates,
oh and this Human Rights Watch 76 page report on the abuse of the for profit
probation industry
) has a protracted “Quarantine” period, in which we are allowed roughly 1500
calories and no recreation of any kind for 14-30 days. Most inmates claim some
malady that nets them enough Klonopin to sleep through that period & marvel
at my staunch refusal to allow my diet to dictate my activity level, but I
obviously choose to exercise compulsively & write extensively for the
following reasons:

mind controls the body.

You are
not a slave

  1. FUCK
  2. If
    people like Manohar Aich, Hermann Goerner, and that Olympic marathoner
    from Unbroken, Louis Zamperini, can do it SO CAN WE FUCKING ALL (But
    fuck that “I forgive you for torturing me for years” bullshit the Unbroken
    dude was busy with).
  3. I know
    that the second I have access to a surplus of food I can overeat like a
    fat kid on Easter morning & I’ll blow up like George in Rampage inside
    of a week without adding much, if any, fat at all.

Is it fun? FUCK NO. Well, maybe a little. The
BDSM-Style masochist in me secretly loves the misery of dieting & training
in a ridiculously hypocaloric state. I suppose it’s not much of a secret given
the fact I just admitted it, but it gives me the same kind of wolf-eyed hard-on
that having a Domme put me in a ball press and violently fuck my urethra with a
thick ribbed sound would. Knowing you can suffer through a period of asceticism
that is generally the purview of religious zealots and genuine psychopaths
makes you feel hard, cruel, & unstoppable as a zombified fascist super
soldier tasked with single handedly reducing the effete modern world to rubble.

In short, this diet is going to mimic periods
of feast and famine to transform your organs and musculature into what amounts
to a pack of angry, armed Muslim zealots in a community that doesn’t adhere to
the same religion – That little bit of food will have to convert or die. During
that time, you’ll train differently, focusing on more volume and less weight,
just like Celtic or Germanic warriors on campaign in the summer. Rather than
manning an oar or going on extended marches, & then fighting pitched
battles, the submaximal and repetitive movements you will be doing will give
you a physical and mental break from brutally heavy weights & increase your
work capacity while improving your shape, correcting the types of muscular
imbalances common in modern “I don’t DO machines, bro”, and depleting every
last drop of muscle glycogen & draining your fat stores as much as
possible. Yeah, stepping on the scale is a motherfucker, but seeing all your
abs without flexing for the first time in a while makes it worth it… Especially
knowing you are about to blow the fuck up.




Up next, the details of the Feast or Famine
diet. Don’t act like you’re not at least a little curious as to what this is going
to look like.

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